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Stories by William Horner
I met Jesus last night.
I met him at a rock show at the Fillmore. He was wearing a vegan leather jacket that smelled of lilac and gooseberries. I wasn’t even sure what gooseberries were until I met Jesus. He was tuning a bass guitar for the opening act when I tapped him on the shoulder...
This is a test.
This is a test of the outdoor emergency response system. This is only a test. Please continue with your day, free of fear, contented by the idea that if a real emergency were to occur you would be made aware of it via this outdoor speaker system...
Could you pass the butter?
I’m not asking for myself, mind you, I’m asking as a gesture. An entreaty. An emotional bid. The most polite exhortation you will ever receive. I could, since you seem so concerned, reach out and take the butter...